The GardenDespatches from The Satyrs’ Forest

Posts tagged as “meta”

Crawler problems

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I don’t know whose dumbfuck crawler is responsible for this, but whoever it is, can you please calm down? I welcome robotic visitors1, but they don’t have to be so hyperactive. I promise you the data will still be there tomorrow.

An analytics chart showing a huge spike of visitors in the past day

Edit: The tidal wave has stopped, but i have started logging bots’ User-Agents just in case whatever that thing is comes back. I hope they’re happy with themselves.

Edit #2: Well, that was quick. They’re back… and they’re not even using a “bot” User-Agent to identify themselves! That’s just bad manners.

Edit #3: I’ve implemented a basic rate-limiting system with a limit fast enough that it won’t affect my biological readers. Fingers crossed.

Lords of Misrule 2024 — let the misrule begin!

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Lords of Misrule MMXXIV

It’s that time of year again, isn’t it? When the days shrink and night begins to rule. A time for staying wrapped up inside with a cup of hot chocolate for some. But for us, dear readers — we know better by now, don’t we? The time approaches for merriment, mænadism, and of course… misrule. Io Saturnalia, friends.

This is our fourth annual Satyrs’ Forest Lords of Misrule, where in the spirit of the season, i put you — yes, you — in charge of the site. If you write or put together anything, absolutely, positively anything, and email it to misrule@satyrs.eu, come Saturnalia (that’s December the seventeenth through the twenty-third, for those who aren’t up to date on their Roman calendar) i’ll put it on the site, etched in stone for all to see. Temporary defacements of pages are also quite welcome.

I kindly ask the same things of you as years past: no political polemics, and nothing that would get me in legal trouble. Other than that, anything goes. A video essay on the occult implications of Gremlins 2. A rant about how birch trees used to be better back in the old days before Big Nature made them cringe. Whatever you, my lords of misrule, want.

Submissions are open from now until the fifteenth of December, 2024. Have fun, be merry, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!

—Xanthe

The fall of Ithaca

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A short website status update, since my ongoing writer’s block on a relatively simple interesting-place-visit post wasn’t enough for the universe: Ithaca12, the beat-up old laptop on which this fine website is hosted, is poorly, and has a noticeable bulge coming up around the battery. Everything is backed up and i’m looking into a new, dedicated server machine, but if the site goes down all of a sudden, you’ll know why.

Lords of Misrule 2023 — let the misrule begin!

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It’s been a long year. That’s the traditional thing to say, but honestly, it’s been quite a short year for me, and autumn has crept up without me even noticing. That can only mean one thing…

Io Saturnalia!

It’s time, once again, for our third annual Satyrs’ Forest Lords of Misrule, where in the spirit of the season, i put you (yes, you) in charge of the site.

If you write or put togeher something — absolutely anything* — and email it to misrule@satyrs.eu, come Saturnalia (December 17 to 23, for those who aren’t up to date on their Roman calendar) i’ll put it up on the site, on the blog and on its own dedicated permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.

As in years past, i ask only that you refrain from political polemics and anything that would get this noble forest in legal trouble. Other than that, the sky is the limit. A video essay on the occult implications of Gremlins 2? A rant about that new skyscraper that blots out the view of your favourite billboard? Anything goes. Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.

You can submit your entries from today until the 16th of December, 2023. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!

— Xanthe

</hiatus>

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Welcome back, ladies and gentlefolk! I’ve been trapped labouring in a Colombian salt mine for the past four months, but after a daring escape which my lawyers have advised me not to speak of, i’ve returned to safety to provide you all with yet more content®™.

Some links i’ve had sitting around gathering mothballs to start you off:

Lords of Misrule 2022 — let the misrule begin!

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This is a copy of the main page for this event.

The cycle of a year is a wonderful thing. Trees grow and wilt, rivers ebb and flow, and every winter, GĂŚa blankets Herself in a snowy coat. All across Europe, people gather together, huddling around, exchanging gifts. Most would call it Christmas.

For us? Well… Io Saturnalia!

It’s time for the second annual Satyrs’ Forest Lords of Misrule! In the spirit of the topsy-turvy season, i’m putting you in charge of the site.

If you write or put together something — absolutely anything — and email it to misrule@satyrs.eu, come Saturnalia (that’s December 17 to 23, for those who aren’t up to date with their ancient festivals) i’ll put it up on the site, both on the blog and on its own dedicated, permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.

Like last year, i would ask that you refrain from political polemics or anything that would get this noble forest in legal trouble. Apart from that, anything goes. Your gran’s chocolate cake recipe? An impassioned defence of Freddy Got Fingered as an ironic masterpiece? Hell, i’ll even let you vandalise one of the permanent pages for a bit if you ask me to. Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.

You can submit your entries from today until the 16th of December, 2021. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!

— Xanthe

One thing i’d like to do at some point, i think, is find a way to synchronise or link up the WordPress comments here on the blog with the jury-rigged PHP comments on the main site. Much as i admire the single-style, chronological blog format, it can be terribly limiting at times — i’d love to be able to post simultaneously here and there and not have people worry about missing out on the discussion.

Walking down e-memory lane

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Sometimes i like to go back in the Wayback Machine and take a trip down memory lane, and see how this place has evolved as i hone my HTML-craft — especially pertinent given the forest’s rapidly approaching fifth birthday. I thought you might like to take a look as well.

2019 vs. 2022
2020 vs. 2022
2020/2021 vs. 2022
2020 vs. 2022
2019 to 2022. (Older revisions have since been lost to time.)

I am not good at computer

¡ Tagged as meta, technology ¡ Two comments

Non-techies, you can safely ignore this post and go on with your day. But, tech people, if you’re still reading… a little help for an ignorant soul, please? 😅

I’m planning to add a comment section to the main part of my website. The problem is, of course, that i’ve barely ever touched PHP and Sql before, let alone tried to make something like a comment system, and as such, i have no fucking idea what i’m doing.

I’ve got a design figured out — see above — and a rough idea of what the database will look like:

  • postId: Integer, generated by adding some random digits to the end of a Unix timestamp
  • timestamp: Integer, just a Unix timestamp of when the comment was submitted
  • commentLocation: Unicode string, max. 32 chars?, indicating on which comments section the comment was posted
  • displayName: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, is what it says on the can
  • emailAddress: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, used to generate the avatar via Gravatar and maybe filter spam if it comes to that
  • website: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, used to… link to the commenter’s website
  • commentText: Unicode, max. 4096 chars?, the actual text of the comment; will be processed as a subset of Markdown
  • planet: Unicode, max. 16 chars?, any comment for which the response isn't earth will get thrown out

So, erm… any suggestions? Improvements? Ways of not getting my site hacked? Polite ways of telling me that this was a terrible idea? are welcome in the comments below.

Update: sidenotes are back!

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It’s a meta one, this; you can safely ignore this post if you’re just here for the trudges through increasingly-obscure north-eastern locations and hauls of links to websites which aren’t this one.

That being said, sidenotesi are now back and functioning again! My apologies for the delay.

Your regularly scheduled programming will be resuming soon, with a walk down a stream which turns into an unexpected microcosm of local history. I’m sure all the Americans in my audience are thrilled.

Chrimbo updates

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I’ve mentioned a number of Christmas traditions i keep up here in the past, and thought you all might have wanted some updates.

I, alas, lost the Pogues Game on the very first day — i was putting on “Driving Home for Christmas” and failed to notice that The Algorithm had queued the song of my nightmares up for me next. (I proceeded to lose again on the night before Christmas, this time at the hands of Bradley Walsh.)

You’ll be pleased to hear that our annual exchange of Christmas gifts on Minecraft went all according to plan this year. Someone built me a little shrine to do as i pleased with, which was quite nice of them.

Not pictured: the already-burnt Gävle goat.

Finally, i’ve added the annual haul of records to the database for your perusal… but mostly for my own reference. :-)

Lords of Misrule

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This is a copy of the main page for this event.

“Iō Saturnalia!” So went the cry that marked the start of the eponymous classical holiday. For one glorious week, Roman society was turned on its head: slaves became masters; togas were out and ostentatious displays of colour were in; gag gifts were given; and one lucky person was elected the local King of Saturnalia. Whatever orders the King barked had to be followed, no matter how ridiculous. This tradition clung on even into the Christian middle ages as the English “lord of misrule” — a lone pagan vestige in a monotheistic world.

So, in the spirit of those winter holidays, to lighten up this frosty time of year, i thought it would be fun to let you play that rule for my website. Welcome, one and all, to the first annual satyrs.eu Lords of Misrule!

If you write or put together something — absolutely anything — and email it to misrule@satyrs.eu, come Saturnalia (that’s December 17 to 23, for those who understandably aren’t up to date with ancient festival customs) i’ll put it up on the site, both on the blog and on its own dedicated, permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.

I would ask that you don’t submit any political polemics (we’ve had quite enough of those) or anything that would get me in legal trouble, but apart from that, anything goes. Your gran’s chocolate cake recipe? An impassioned defence of Freddy Got Fingered as an ironic masterpiece? A rant about how keyboards aren’t what they used to be? Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.

You can submit your entries from today until the 16th of December, 2021. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!

— Marijn