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Why is the Metro shaped like a pretzel?

The Tyne and Wear Metro is a marvel of the British railway network: the only true metro system outside of London and Glasgow1, with fully accessible stations, beautiful typographic design, and only the occasional closure because someone stole all the copper wiring again. But amongst railway nerds, it is also known for one more puzzling detail: it’s a pretzel.

A map of the system, showing two lines — green and yellow — the latter of which goes around in a loop and intersects with itself
© Nexus

That’s right: you can, if you want, catch a Yellow Line train at Monument, go all the way around the coast, wind up right back where you started, and continue all the way down to South Shields just to rub it in. Put otherwise: there are four platforms and they’re all for the same line.

This is, as far as i know, unique to Newcastle. Bucharest almost gets there, but chickens out just before the line actually crosses over. Sofia nearly pulls it off but, in a shocking display of cowardice, redesignates its Line 4 as “Line 2” halfway through the loop, disqualifying them immediately. The Hague does something even more complicated, but it’s on a tramway and i can’t in good faith count it. And Vancouver used to have the same setup — even using the same colour — but switched to a perhaps more sensible timetabling in 2016 when an extension rendered it unworkable.

So… why? What’s the point? Let’s find out.

Part One: Why was it a pretzel?

As is often the case with urban rail, the constituent parts of the Tyne and Wear Metro were built at different times by different, competing companies, and were only later stitched together into a coherent network.

The first part of the loop to come online was the Newcastle and North Shields Railway, starting in 1839, who ran a service from the centre of town to (where else?) North Shields, later extended a teensy bit further to Tynemouth. The N&NSR’s mighty viaducts still carry our dinky yellow trains over the Ouseburn to this day.

Meanwhile, further north, coal mining in Northumberland was growing rapidly. (This brought great prosperity to the region, which would surely never ever end. Ever. Unless they closed the mines, but come on, why would that ever happen?) The existing main-lines found themselves choked by the influx of traffic, and in 1852, Parliament authorised the incorporation of the newfangled Blyth and Tyne Railway.

A map of the Blyth and Tyne network, showing it tracing the northern half of today’s Metro loop
Courtesy of the excellent Disused Stations website.

The B&T at first linked Bedlington and Blyth only to the staiths at Percy Main, but by the eighteen-sixties it had added branches to the centre of town — encouraging buildup in Newcastle’s northern suburbs — and to the growing seaside holiday destination of… Tynemouth.

Hm.

An old Ordnance Survey map showing the two lines at Tynemouth meeting, but not being able to transfer onto each other
Red is the Blyth and Tyne’s station; blue is the Newcastle and North Shields Railway’s.

By the early eighteen-eighties, both the B&T and the N&NSR had been absorbed into the North Eastern Railway, which found itself in the awkward position of having two formerly competing stations right next to each other and no way for trains to transfer between the two. So, in 1882, the two competitors’ lines were linked up with a new alignment running closer to the coast, including the opening of a gorgeous palatial through station at Tynemouth, still in use by Metro trains and Sunday markets to this day.

A timetable showing the following stations in order: Newcastle Central, Manors, Byker, St Peters, St Anthonys, Walker, Carville, Point Pleasant, Willington Quay, Heaton, Walker Gate, Wallsend, Howdon-on-Tyne, Percy Main, North Shields, Tynemouth, Cullercoats, Whitley Bay, Monkseaton, Backworth, Benton, Gosforth, West Jesmond, Jesmond, Newcastle New Bridge St.
Hang on — “New Bridge St.”? A story for another time.

The earliest timetable i could find, from 1902, shows that trains were indeed running in a loop around the coast, from the city centre to Wallsend to Tynemouth and back, just as is possible today.

An old-timey electric tram on its way to Gosforth
Courtesy of the always-excellent Co-Curate

At the dawn of the twentieth century, however, the steam services were threatened by a rising competitor: the tram. No longer did you have to put up with noisy, steam-belching locomotives every day — you could get to exactly where you wanted to go, in style! This, of course, wouldn’t do, and so the NER embarked on a rapid programme of electrification. By 1904, the loop had fully switched over, and the network was rechristened the ✨️ Tyneside Electrics! ✨️

By this point, the network clearly resembled what we have today. Now, it didn’t quite loop over itself like today — everything went through Central Station; no perpendicular Monument tomfoolery here — and there was an extra branch snaking along the riverside which was never refurbished for the Metro era. But other than that, the geometry was pretty well set, and there would be no major service changes until the introduction of — what do you mean, you want to know what the big black arrow’s for?

Part 1½: The Kearney Tube

Whenever i show a diagram of the Metro to my non-Geordie friends, the first response is usually something to the effect of, “Why isn’t there a link between North and South Shields?” It’s a fair question, and the canned answer i usually give is that building one would be a lot of expense for little point, since there’s already a well-trafficked, well-loved ferry service between the two. Little did i know that it could well have been otherwise.

Elfric Wells Chalmers Kearney was an eccentric Australian engineer who spent much of his life trying and failing to convince city governments to adopt his all-new danglebahn, the Kearney High-speed Tube™. Here he is in 1910 with a model he made earlier:

An Edwardian gentleman in a dark coat stands next to a scale model of a railway descending down a steep gradient
Do you think they ever gave him his Blue Peter badge? (Photo courtesy of Recondite Harmony)

The “Kearney Tube”, as it was known, would be powered by the force of gravity, hurtling down a ⅐ gradient from stations just below the surface like a bizarro funicular before climbing gracefully back up, suspended between a monorail below and a guide rail above, which would (in theory) stabilise the train’s side-to-side motion so as to not induce vomiting in everyone who rode it.

Mr Kearney promoted his invention in cities as distant as Sydney, London, Portsmouth, and (if secondary sources are to be believed) Venice and New York, but it came closest to reality between North and South Shields.

Over sixteen thousand Tynemouthicans signed a petition calling for its construction, and in 1925 the government gave a provisional order approving its construction. Alas, when it came time for a parliamentary committee to give Mr Kearney’s dream the final go-ahead, they were rather more sceptical. He had raised nowhere near enough money to actually build the blasted thing, and the members were quite concerned about the impact it might have on the livelihood of the Tyne’s ferrymen.2

Mr Kearney held a grudge for the rest of his life. He made elaborate, typewritten conspiracy diagrams indicating who was paying off who, and gleefully wrote of the death of his opponents on the committee — or even those who were only tangentially connected:

Under pressure from Lord Ashfield, Henry Ford went back on his undertaking to finance the first Kearney Tube between North and South Shields. Not long afterwards Esdell Ford [sic], Henry Ford’s only son, was taken ill and died.

In 1939, he gave it one more go, partnering with the LNER — only for the outbreak of the second world war to put an abrupt halt to any civilian infrastructure plans. He would eventually write a science-fiction novel titled Erōne, where his his protagonist’s ideas are proven correct by a utopian society on Uranus, and if only the good people of Earth would listen!

Mr Kearney died in 1966, never having seen his utopia come to fruition. I was unable to find where or how, or even in which continent he is buried — he split his time between Australia and Britain, and he could plausibly have passed on either side of the equator. Still, i hope he’s up there somewhere, smiling down on all the shweebs, hyperloops, monorails, and other gadgetbahns of today.3

Part Two: Why is it a pretzel?

By the nineteen-sixties, the Tyneside Electrics had seen better days. Passenger numbers were falling, the trains of tomorrow were decrepit, and they weren’t even electric — British Rail had deemed it more cost-effective to run slower, dirtier diesel trains. The system had become a kittiwake4 around the North East’s neck. So, in 1971, the local transport executive commissioned a study — and they came back with a plan.

You know how the rest goes. Though the Tyne and Wear Metro would mostly reuse the existing routes mentioned before, they would all be linked up through a newly constructed central core underground — meeting in the middle at Grey’s Monument.

Construction of the station at Grey’s Monument, showing a deep underground trench dug around it
Courtesy of… the Metro’s official Facebook page? Sure, why not.
A map of the Metro as it was in the eighties, mostly the same as today but with a few “express” lines and without the branch south to Sunderland
A map of the system upon its completion in 1984, taken from this contemporary pamphlet, whose graphic design you simply must check out.

The pretzel shape was completed by proceeding one stop further from Monument to stubby St James’ Park.5 This was just a temporary terminus, of course — the station was built so that, in future, they could easily come back and extend it out to the long-underserved west end of the city. Quoth 1981’s “Tyne and Wear Metro: concept, organization, and operation”:

St James station is at the centre of an area designated for future office development and also serves the football ground; the station has also been designed to allow the system to be extended westwards at some future date.

So, eventually, that happened, right? They turned that little stumpy arm into a full-fledged extension. Right? …Right?

Part Three: Why is it still a pretzel?

In 1981, environment secretary Michael Heseltine vetoed any further extensions to the Metro system. Since then, the only substantive changes have been in 1991 — inking the airport to the rest of Newcastle — and 2002, when, after twenty years, the Tyne and Wear Metro finally reached Wearside. It is around 2002 that things get a little silly.

A map of various proposed extensions to the metro network
This map floats around the internet a lot, though i haven’t been able to tie it back to its original source.
A mockup of a tram running across a Newcastle street
Via the linked BBC article.

Shortly after service to Sunderland began, Nexus (the local transport operator) announced Project Orpheus, their grandiose plan to build a transport network fit for the twenty-first century. Bus rapid transit for everyone! A cable car in Gateshead! And, yes, the valiant return of trams to Newcastle-upon-Tyne, connecting the west end up with the city centre.

None of this happened. The plans were watered down and watered down until all that was left was the vague idea of refurbishing the Metro and making buses more frequent. The great recession and austerity presumably killed any hope it had left. You still get calls from local councillors to extend the system to their part of the area, but they seem unlikely to amount to much. So is all hope lost?

Well… remember the Blyth and Tyne Railway?

A Northern train crosses a viaduct over the Wansbeck river
A Class 158 crossing the Wansbeck Viaduct. CC-BY, courtesy of Steve Knight.

Passenger services along the B&T north of Backworth were given the chop by Dr Beeching in the nineteen-sixties. Combined with the end of coal, this was a one-two punch in the gut for working-class mining towns like Ashington and Blyth, leaving them some of the most impoverished in the country.

Local campaigners have been calling for its reopening since the nineties, initially to little avail barring a token mention in the ill-fated Project Orpheus plan. In 2013, Northumberland County Council started taking the idea seriously. In 2019, the transport secretary gave the thumbs up. In 2021, shovels hit the dirt. And in 2024, for the first time in half a century, trains carried passengers from Ashington to Newcastle.

It may be like pulling teeth, and it may cost more than we might like, but Britain can still build things — and local politicians seem to have noticed! In 2024, work began on the first serious proposal since Orpheus to extend the Metro; this time, to Washington, along the disused Leamside line.

A diagram of the proposed extension to Washington, showing the Green Line going in a loop
© Nexus

Curiously, the proposed extension goes in yet another loop. It’s hard to imagine this wouldn’t require some rejigging of how the network runs — a third line, perhaps? New platforms at Pelaw? But however they run it, it looks like, if it goes through — and that’s a big if — the Yellow Line may not be alone in its topological weirdness for long.

Stuff i watched recently, May ’26

A montage of stills from the mentioned films

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)

Absolute queer cinema. An injection of life in the arm. Possibly the only thing that would make me want to actually go to Australia. (9/10)

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995)

Unfortunately this loses steam once it stops being a road movie and starts being a True Stories-esque small-wacky-town comedy — which is, uh, most of it. That said, it’s kind of crazy how well John Leguizamo passes. (5½/10)

Upgrade (2018)

I love the depiction of a human/AI “centaur” in this — it’s so rare you see one in media, and the way it’s presented, almost like the dæmon of a bicameral mind telling you what to do, is brilliant. Good enough action, too, to make up for a lacklustre performance from the lead antagonist. (8/10)

Princess Mononoke (1997)

Holy shit they made the ChatGPT meme into a movie? (10/10)

No Country for Old Men (2007)

There is very little i can say about this movie that has not already been expressed much better than people who are not me. Anton Chigurh is one of the most terrifying characters in fiction and he does it all with that fuckass haircut. (9/10)

Project Hail Mary (2026)

Deservedly on its way to becoming a sci-fi classic. I’ve rambled about it enough already, but suffice it to say that if you haven’t already gone and seen it at the cinema thrice, what the hell are you even doing? (10/10)

Yellow Submarine (1968)

Jeremy Boob is the real fifth Beatle. (6/10)

Boogie Nights (1997)

RIP Dirk Diggler, you would have loved OnlyFans

I love how the porno company treat each other like one big, fucked-up family. A strangely heartwarming film for the premise (at least in the first half)! (7/10)

Akira (1988)

I went to the Tyneside Cinema thinking i was going to watch The Drama. Then i saw this on the schedules, and thought… well, i have to.

Every ten seconds i was soyjak-pointing at the screen and thinking, “Oh, that’s where that other thing i like got the idea from!” In that context it’s kind of funny how little emphasis is actually given to The Slide™® — it’s just a cool trick that happens in the first chase scene, but it’s so mega-cool that everyone who watched it and went on to have a career in the arts made it their life’s mission to do it again.

It’s incredible that they could do all that in 1988. Few animated films come close to looking this good even today. IMDB trivia said they had to mix dozens of new pigments for all the various nocturnal hues they wanted to use, and reading that just blew my mind even more — you don’t tend to think about how, before computers, you couldn’t just paint in any RGB colour you wanted!

The only critique i really have is that it sags a bit around the middle, but it’s cool enough that i can’t care. (9½/10), and if you ever get the chance to see it on the big screen, take it!

The Mission (1986)

all the Guaraní at my church make me do the fortnite dance and shout go white boy go

Didn’t care much for most of this — not really the filmmakers’ fault, but any Christian conversion story is likely to bounce off me — but there’s some beautiful shots of the South American wilds, and Ennio Morricone put his whole Morriconussy into the score as always. (4½/10)

Mother Mary (2026)

I still haven’t fully figured out what to make of this. Some of it feels underbaked; everything is caked in ten layers of metaphor, but… maybe i liked that? I don’t know.

Anne Hathaway and Michaela Coel deserve all the awards for this. I’m buying stock in the latter. Ms Coel to the moon for Best Supporting Actress. All in.

The songs, contributed by Charli XCX, Jack Antonoff, and FKA Twigs, are an equal highlight, and remain in my regular listening — has Ms Hathaway’s Wikipedia page been updated to list her as a singer in the opening line yet? (7/10? I think? Maybe 6?)

The Madness of King George (1994)

A chilling documentary about daily life in the White House. (6/10)

Crank (2006) and Crank 2: High Voltage (2009)

What if: Speed, but Jason Statham is the bus? The most late-2000s movies ever made. Constantly in-your-face with outrageous, offensive, adrenaline-pumping nonsense. It’s everything you could ever ask for.

Actually, you know what? Let me just list some things included in these films. This is all real:

  • Jason Statham holding a doctor, who is the guy from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, at gunpoint while wheeling an elderly patient down a corridor and getting into an argument with said patient
  • Chester Bennington telling him to buy nasal spray to get high
  • Jason Statham having unenthusiastic public sex with his girlfriend in the middle of Chinatown while a crowd of Chinese people and a bus full of Japanese schoolgirls cheer them on
  • Jason Statham connecting a car battery up to his tongue to recharge his artificial heart
  • David Carradine as an elderly Chinese man
  • A transvestite Latino informant with “full-body Tourette’s” who is the identical twin of a dead character from the last film
  • A horny therapist who vomits onto the camera after her client accidentally gets shot in the head
  • A kaiju fight in a substation
  • Google Earth
  • Jason Statham shocking himself with a dog collar and farting
  • A sentient head in a tank of ominous yellow fluid
  • John de Lancie
  • An erect horsecock
  • A dream sequence inspired by the Jeremy Kyle Show where Ginger Spice plays Jason Statham’s mam

If you read that and thought “hell yeah”, then Crank and Crank 2 are the movies for you. (7/10)

Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume LXIV

Before we start — i always feel a little awkward about publishing two link roundups in a row, and three especially is pushing it, so i wanted to assure everyone that i do have some more stuff in the pipe! In the coming months, you can expect (okay, hope) to see, in no particular order:

  • A deep dive into why the Tyne and Wear Metro is the funny shape it is
  • Several short multimedia articles on the Tupaians, Looking at the Big Sky’s closest thing to confirmed first contact with aliens
  • Putting the final touches on a nice big wall map of Europe, to be given pride of place in the Cartothèque
  • A dedicated page for the main characters of the furry smut i said i was writing ages ago, because i like them too much to consign them to the NSFW shadow-realm forever

And much1 more! Anyway… back to the show.

Part One: In which not everything is necessarily computer

Part Two: In which everything’s computer!

Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume LXIII

A side-by-side of a crude 3D model and an AI-generated otter
Hollywood is coo—[I AM FATALLY SHOT IN THE BACK BY DARREN ARONOFSKY]
  • The end of baldness
  • The New Yorker on the age of AI writing. I’m broadly open to machine learning in the arts (see posts passim), but writing is one area where most applications strike me as sad and self-defeating.1 For films, TV, games, i get it — it can ratchet down costs and make bizarre psychedelic visuals no human could ever imagine — but if you’re not even the one writing the text in your work that consists entirely of text, why bother?
  • Charcuterie: an online explorer for Unicode characters. Pretty nifty interface!
  • “Is my writing too wet? In defence of gloop”
  • “How citations ruined science”
  • HufflePuff. Alive-internet theory in action.
  • “The AI Revolution in Math Has Arrived.” Features an excellent quote about the jagged frontier:

    And the mistakes, Schmitt noted, are weird ones: There is virtually no way that a person with any training in mathematics would make such a plethora of basic errors while also succeeding in coming up with subtle, original, and correct ideas.

    If we were ever to make contact with a truly alien intelligence, i suspect it might resemble arguing with Claude.2
  • Train Jazz, or, turning the New York City Subway into music
  • Twelve Hungry Men
  • Ex-Classics. What a wonderful idea for a site — books which used to be considered classics, but which have fallen into obscurity, hosted online for all to read anew!
  • Radu Jude, the Bard of Bucharest. I must go to Romania one of these days. There’s something in the water there.
  • The title “Irish Zionism” does this video an injustice. This is the spiritual successor to that video about building a giant Jeff Bezos head that detoured into Turkish hair transplants and pirate ships. But on speed.
  • Local interest: Signs of Change at Grainger Market, from the recently discovered Cultured North East, a must-follow for anyone in the area.
  • Kevin Kelly’s list of “contemporary heresies”. All of these are brain-melting in their own way, but, to plant my flag in the shroomy ground, i think 6, 15, 19, 29, 38, 52, and 73 are… kind of cooking?

Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume LXII

And, to finish things off, here’s an Artemis II quickfire round! First, this picture of “Earthset” was the fastest i’ve ever switched to a new desktop background:

The crescent Earth setting behind the Moon

Assorted thoughts on Project Hail Mary

Rocky from the movie going “Absolute Cinema”

Ryan Gosling has entered that pantheon of actors where i will happily go see literally anything he is in1, but it’s always nice when i wouldn’t have needed convincing in the first place, and as it stands, i probably would have watched Project Hail Mary even if it had starred Neil Breen. (…Maybe only once, though.)


Fundamentally this film is about bromance. Bromance between Ryan Gosling and a rock. And you never doubt the chemistry once. That’s movie magic right there.


It’s remarkable how well Lord and Miller nail the big, cosmic spectacle, and that classic Spielbergian sense of wonder, given that their only prior live-action director jobs have been broad comedies. Maybe Solo rubbed off on them?

Alternatively, i had always attributed much of the “hype moments and aura” in the Spider-Verse films to the directors and the animation team, but maybe these overworking assholes do know what they’re doing after all…


At one point, the ship’s computer says the journey home will take around four years, and that really took me out of it. Don’t they know Tau Ceti is twelve light-years from Earth? Are they stupid? Why even bother having it take years if you’re just going to ignore it?

Anyway, on the bus back i suddenly remembered that general relativity exists, and realised the movie was smarter than me. Embarrassing.


I remember thinking while watching, “Wow, this score is crazy intense,” and then up came Daniel Pemberton’s name in the credits. Of course. “Time Go Fishing” may well replace “No Time for Caution” as my music of choice to pipe through my headphones during takeoff on a plane. A potential Oscar winner? I should bloody hope so.2


Sandra Hüller is shockingly funny in this. Maybe i’m just used to seeing her in roles like “Nazi housewife” and “mariticide suspect”.


What i find most fascinating about Project Hail Mary is that this is a big, huge Hollywood action blockbuster… where nobody throws a single punch! The climactic show-stopping scene is a fishing trip. There’s not even a clearly defined villain; it’s just about cool dudes trying their best to fix a problem.

And you know what? That’s what we need. I’m only the seven trillionth person to say this, but in such pessimistic times, when we seem more than ever to be ruled by a mob of ignoramuses (ignorami?), it was lovely to watch a film with an overriding message of hope. I suspect this and Superman will mark a turning point in the cynical tide of pop culture.

TL;DR: 10/10, probably going to be my favourite film of the year, see it on the biggest screen you can.

Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume LXI

I actually thought some of the Nvidia DLSS examples everyone is butt-mad about looked kinda neat, IDK. Clearly not ready for prime time, but if they can tamp down on the yassification it might help break through the plateau of diminishing returns on photorealism that the past decade of video games has been stuck on.

Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume LX